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Auburn police blotter | April 25
Auburn Police responded to the following calls for service, among many others, between April 15 and April 20:
Vandalism: 9:59 a.m., 602 W. Main St. An unknown cluck chucked a chunk of clay brick clean through one of Public School Employees of Washington's windows.
Pooch pilferer: 5 p.m., 605 37th St. SE. Police arrested a fellow for stealing a dog then selling the beast to his best friend for $130.
Trespassing: 2:35 p.m., 1531 Auburn Way N. A man committed such acts of undisclosed wickedness in a McDonald's that the hierarchy of the hamburger haven did heave him ho and did order him gone for 10 years.
Vandalism: 3 p.m., 700 block of 8th Street Southeast. Somebody applied unwanted spray paint to a vehicle.
Vandalism: Overnight, 220 block of F Street Southeast. Gang graffiti was inflicted on an alley.
Shoplifting: 4 p.m., 2705 Auburn Way N. Staff at Cash America complained that some guy had taken a laptop computer, and then left the store on foot.
Vandalism: 1:30 a.m., 31000 block of 118th Court Southeast. Somebody broke the front windows of a woman's home.
Vandalism: Overnight, 2800 block of K Street Southeast. An unknown person threw a plastic planter at a parked car, breaking said planter.
Trespassing: 12:03 p.m., 1101 Outlet Collection Way SW. Security at The Outlet Collection showed a man the way out, forbidding his misbehaving carcass from coming back.
Theft of items from vehicle: Overnight, 31900 block of 104th Avenue Southeast. Items were stolen.
Vandalism: Overnight, 2901 Auburn Way S. Suspects unknown vandalized, employing methods undisclosed and with undisclosed outcomes, three vehicles.
Collision: 12:45 p.m., 500 West Valley Highway S. A hit-and-run driver of a stolen car fled the scene of his mayhem, but police caught up with him at The Outlet Collection, recovered the vehicle and returned it to its rightful owner in Federal Way.
False information: 9:13 p.m., 6100 block of Alexander Avenue Southeast. A man made false statements to police to "effect enforcement action against his neighbor," whatever that means. Police sent the case on to the City prosecutor's office.
Theft: 8:07 p.m., 101 Auburn Way S. As a man was using a restroom at Safeway, another man reached under his stall, grabbed his backpack and ran off with it. When police caught up with the thief blocks away and busted him, he insisted the bag was his own, though he wouldn't explain how stuff with his victim's name attached was in the backpack.