Auburn Police responded to the following calls for service, among many others, between May 27 and 30:
Theft: 9 a.m., 762 Outlet Collection Drive SW. Person A stole person B’s wallet while they were at the same business.
Prowling: 12:35 a.m., 12900 block of Southeast 317th Court. Trying to break into someone else’s vehicle, a bad guy damaged one of the side-door locks.
Possession of Stolen Vehicle: 10:14 p.m., 3700 Auburn Way N. There was this guy in a stolen vehicle, see, who tried to elude police, but they caught up with him, fitted him with a pair of shiny cuffs and provided him accommodations at the SCORE jail.
Assault with a knife: 11 p.m., 2800 Riverwalk Drive SE. While a person was walking along Riverwalk Drive Southeast late at night, another person, without apparent motive, pulled out what was probably a knife and cut him or her.
Cops helping cops: 12:22 a.m., 25935 108th Avenue SE. A woman with a no-bail, 4th-degree, domestic violence assault warrant issued by the City of Kent messed up someone’s property then fled on foot. The Auburn K9 unit, however, rooted out the running wrongdoer, and Kent Police took her into custody.
Burglary: 5:15 a.m., 1825 K St. SE. A burglar, or burglars hit the Olympic Middle School construction site over the Memorial Day weekend.
Burglary: 1:18 a.m., 910 9th St. SE. An unknown homo sapien, or sapiens, entered a fenced construction site in the wee hours and stole a UTV.
Out with you!: 7:21 p.m., 702 Auburn Way N. Price Helton Funeral Home bid three people “fare thee well” until 2023.
Burglary: 9 a.m., 902 15th St. SW. An unknown suspect smashed a window to a business and grabbed cash.
Theft: 1:45 p.m., 11500 block of Southeast 321st Place. An Auburn resident suspects a relative was behind the theft from her home of two firearms over the past eight months.
Theft: 5:35 a.m., 32000 block of 110th Avenue Southeast. This guy who’d given a boat and trailer to another person as a gift was to hand the title to the recipient at a birthday party. When the intended recipient fell ill and left the party early, however, the giver placed the titles on his own car’s console, from which a thief or thieves stole them. Now, with a drone buzzing the guy’s back yard, he suspicions those who have the titles are scouting for the boat and trailer.