The complexities behind helping thy neighbor | Whale’s Tales

Published 10:30 am Friday, May 8, 2026

Last weekend, I got into a talk with my wife, Ann, and a family friend about basic human decency.

To the point, when we should, or should not, answer requests for help.

I bet many readers’ minds immediately jumped to those freeway exit ramps, where shabbily-dressed men and women hold cardboard signs informing passersby that they’re out of work or down on their luck, or to the street people pleading for a few bucks.

The issue here is that what we’ve heard and read, and our own experiences, have bred in us suspicion about the honesty of anyone with a handout.

So we ask ourselves, is that legit? Could be. Maybe not. Typically, the advice we get is, don’t do it. They’ll just buy booze or drugs.

But there are subtleties and nuances in these transactions, and they don’t follow any standard model.

In the mid-1950s, my parents, who had recently moved to Auburn, learned about a couple across the way who couldn’t afford heating oil to get them through the winter.

My folks went out and bought a full tank of heating oil for them. Strictly anonymously. Anyway, that was the intention.

Then came the afternoon when the truck showed up at the curb to deliver the oil. Unfortunately, a nosy neighbor found out who the benefactors were, and straightaway made a beeline to the couple to flap her gums about it. The man and woman declined the delivery, returned the money in a rage, shivered through that winter, and refused to speak to my parents for years.

Churches are for the most part good about giving. But complaints abound about those houses of worship that guilt-trip the person in need for asking, or worse, take advantage of them, as in the account below.

The third member of our conversation had a friend, a sweet elderly woman, who had fallen into destitution, but refused to accept help because “the Lord would provide.”

Unfortunately, this soul attended a church run by greedy geezers, utterly lacking conscience and determined to squeeze her for what few pennies she had, though they knew her situation.

So she gave and gave. Our friend wanted to help, but knowing who would ultimately get the money, just couldn’t bring herself to support them.

One winter night in the parking lot of the Sumner Fred Meyer, a man and his wife saw a young woman, disoriented and softly crying, in one of the planted areas between rows of cars.

So the couple approached and asked what was wrong. At first the young woman was reluctant to say anything. Finally, she blurted out through tears that her boyfriend had just kicked her out of their apartment, and she had nowhere to go. She didn’t at any time ask for help, but the couple got her a room for the night.

The issue for many of us in the Western world is that we remember the words of Jesus in Matthew 25:44, when the unrighteous on the left of the throne of God said:

“‘Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty, or a stranger, or needing clothes, or sick, or in prison, and did not help you?’

“And the Lord reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me.’”

That’s heavy.

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Robert Whale can be reached at robert.whale@soundpublishing.com.