Fairly Spiritual: Regretfully unable to remember my regrets

I have a very bad memory … which helps me with very bad memories.

However, I’m not able to recall many good memories either.

Thankfully, I married when I was 20, so my wife can remind me of most of my adult existence. She is well aware of my inability to remember, which requires a lot of trust on my part. If I don’t treat her well, she’s liable to make stuff up. “Do you kids know that your father used to tour the world with an avant garde mime troupe. ” Helpless to contradict her reminiscences, I’ll be forced to remain silent. Hey, maybe I was a traveling mime.

Facebook is causing me to once again confront the limits of my ability to recollect. Recently, I’ve had a few high school classmates track me down through my online presence. Although I welcome these unplanned reunions, I’m usually a tad bit unsettled on how best to respond. As previously mentioned, I have little or no memory of life before I met my wife. Consequently, I’m not really sure what kind of person I was during my high school years.

Now I’m aware of the kind of person I think I was, but I’m not too certain about the reality. I’m pretty certain I wasn’t a perpetual jerk. I’ve been a committed Christian since I was 2 … I think I backslid for a month or so when I was 3 or 4 years old. My older brother tells me there was a time when I used to keep my eyes open while Mom prayed for dinner. But for the most part, I’ve tried to live a life that emulates Christian love.

So I certainly wasn’t a hell raiser in high school. I didn’t smoke, I didn’t drink, and I didn’t have sex before I was married. Even so, I still can’t really remember the more nuanced details of my high school existence. To make matters worse, I have high school friends who frequently attribute memories to me that I simple don’t remember creating. “Really, I said that … wow, well that sure was inappropriate. Are you sure that wasn’t some other guy who looked a lot like me but was a lot more arrogant?”

Of course, my friends could be in cahoots with my wife. Which might explain all of their mime-related stories. Would someone please e-mail me to confirm that I was not the secretary of the Auburn High School Mime Club?

No regrets

This leads me to my recently confirmed Facebook high school friends. Do I just move on and give the perfunctory “how’s life?” spiel or do I genuinely apologize about all the things I might have done or said?

Should our initial reacquaintance start with something like, “Hey I just wanted to let you know that although I was a Christian in high school, I don’t know if I always had the best Christian witness? I have a strong feeling I wasn’t nearly as right in high school as I thought I was at the time.

“So if I was a know-it-all jerk, please forgive me and accept this awkward apology as my way of making amends. However, if none of this applies, feel free to delete and disregard this preamble.”

Speaking of preambles, I think I’ve forgotten why I started writing this thing in the first place. Something to do with my memory … high school … saying I’m sorry … and mimes. All right, Doug, think fast, you can redeem this column if you just work on a very clever transition followed by an extremely profound closing paragraph.

Nonetheless, I must conclude. Which reminds me it’s always good to apologize. Particularly if you might have possibly traumatized your high school friends with inappropriate miming. Yeah, that’s right. That’s how I’m going to end this thing.

And if you don’t like it … in a couple years I won’t remember.

Doug Bursch hosts “The Fairly Spiritual Show” at 10 a.m. Saturdays on KGNW 820 AM. He also pastors Evergreen Foursquare Church. Evergreen meets at 10 a.m. Sundays at the Riverside High School Theater. He can be reached at www.fairlyspiritual.org or doug@fairlyspiritual.org.