Raising a child to healthy, happy adulthood is no small task. Many a parent will tell you it’s the toughest job they ever had – and also the most rewarding.
But babies don’t arrive with instructions and effective parenting isn’t automatic. At Childhaven, we understand that all parents – even those who grew up in stable, loving families with good role models – can benefit from education and support.
Today, thanks to the generosity of the Sound Publishing Newspapers (including this one), I’m pleased to begin writing a new every-other-month feature to help parents of young children manage everyday issues and emerge as stronger, happier families. My first topic: discipline.
Ever wonder how a teacher can get 25 kids to behave when you have trouble with just one?
We all could learn a thing or two about positive discipline from watching a good teacher at work. Teachers know how to be firm without getting angry. They know how to set limits without being rigid. And they know how to get good behavior without doing a lot of disciplining.
Granted, teachers have the advantage of being one step removed, which takes away the emotional strings that can lead to parent-child power struggles. But the strategies they use in the classroom can be employed at home as well. Apply them consistently, and you might begin to notice a calmer, more cooperative relationship with your child.
Here are a few tips:
• Have a few clear and absolute rules related to health and safety: “We don’t hurt each other with words or actions.” “We take care of ourselves.” If you have a lot of rules, you’re going to be disciplining a lot.
• Apply the “so what” test. So what if he puts ketchup on everything. So what if she refuses to wear a coat.
• Give children reasons so they know why they’re being asked to do a certain thing. “Hold my hand when we cross the street so you’ll be safe.”
• Make your instructions clear, direct and necessary. Don’t issue too many instructions at one time, expect children to do something beyond their ability, or send mixed messages (such as asking if they want to brush their teeth when they don’t really have a choice).
• Use “if-then” to help children complete tasks and delay gratification: “If you put your dishes away, you can play with your Legos.”
• Praise your child for doing what you ask, and pay attention when he’s being good. All too often, busy parents unintentionally give their children more attention when they misbehave, which reinforces the bad behavior.
• Walk the talk. If you want your child to respect you, show respect for him, too.
Since 1909, Childhaven has been a safe and caring place for babies, toddlers and preschoolers. Today, we are a community leader, statewide advocate and national model in the treatment and prevention of child abuse and neglect. For more information, visit the Web site at www.childhaven.org.
Debra C. Ronnholm, MA, is president of Childhaven
