Auburn Police responded to the following calls for service, among many others, between Sept. 3 and 9:
Trespassing: 6 a.m., 501 Auburn Way N. Having entered a locked, fenced area some dude then slipped into a motorhome to catch some free zzz’s, whereupon somebody found him and summoned police, who, after all necessary formalities, deposited him, body and soul, in jail.
Vandalism: 7:10 a.m., 4 B St. SE. An unknown person broke one window of a fitness center.
Bogus Jackson: 6:51 a.m.,1531 Auburn Way N. A man tried to fob a fraudulent $20 bill off on McDonald’s staff, but the eagle-eyed employee who took the bill kept it, and while he or she was calling police, the would-be fobster fled into the morning with a still-unsatisfied stomach.
Assault: 11:10 a.m., 12900 block of Southeast 312th Street. Police arrested a girl who’d assaulted her mother.
Burglary: 5 a.m., 120 block of D Street Northwest. Somebody entered a residence through an open window.
Gift card caper: 10:18 a.m., 801 Auburn Way N. A woman reported that gift cards she had purchased at Fred Meyer had been compromised as unknown suspects used them once she activated them.
Brotherly assault: 7:02 p.m., 4200 block of A Street Southeast. A man assaulted his brother.
Strong arm street robbery: 12:35 a.m., 1200 block of 29th Street Southeast. Three males of undisclosed age robbed a man of something undisclosed.
Shoplifting: 3:07 p.m., 101 Auburn Way S. A he and a she at Safeway abandoned the black duffel bag they had intended to fill first before making good their getaway without paying for the Red Bulls — the energy drinks, not the snorting beasts — concealed inside.
Weapons offense: 3:37 p.m., 202 N Division St. Staff at MultiCare Auburn Medical Center treated someone for an alleged gunshot wound, launching a shooting investigation.
Arson of uninhabited public property: 4:36 p.m., 1002 25th St. SE. A small fire blazed away in a public park.
Assault: 6:45 p.m., 2400 block of F St. SE. A woman beat a man, damaged property, and possessed illegal narcotics, so police arrested her.
Assault: 2:40 p.m., 2901 I St. NE. Two assisted-living tenants in north Auburn got into a physical fracas.
Assault: 8:14 p.m., 12900 block of Southeast 312th Street. A man scratched a child.
Theft: 8:39 a.m., 28800 block of 118th Avenue Southeast. FedEx delivered the laptop as it had promised, but then some sucker came out of the pocket and pinched it right off the porch.
Vehicle thievery: 9 a.m., 3200 block of C Street Northeast. A person or persons unknown stole a 16-foot-long trailer over the weekend.
Found property: 6:18 p.m. 340 E. Main St. Somebody found a wallet and turned it over to the police department.